For the greater good
by sanity is fleeting
Summary: Just mocking some fanfiction clichés, hopefully there's a story this time.


The greater good

It was a normal Sunday morning in the great hall. Students were eating, owls were flying, and Harry Potter's dead body was lying on the ground in front of the staff table.

Dumbledore walked into the room towards the high table. As soon as he reached the head, he tapped his wand to his glass creating a bell like sound.

The hall went instantly silent.

"My dear students." He began. "You may notice the body of Mr. Potter lying in front of the head table."

As if suddenly noticing the corpse, the students began to shriek in horror.

"Please, please!" Dumbledore said. "Let me assure you that this was for the greater good, and you should be happy Mr. Potter is dead."

Instantly, the students began to cheer.

The Gryffindor were screaming "No more Potter, no more potter!"

The Ravenclaws were throwing pages of Harry's biography at the corpse, until they began to sprain their wrists do to the physical exertion that they just weren't used to.

The Hufflepuffs had vindictive smirks on their faces, and were chanting "For Cedric, for Cedric!"

It was the Slytherins behavior that was the most shocking however. Tears were streaming down their faces, and they had their arms wrapped around each other.

"I thought you'd be thrilled potter was dead." Ron Weasley said through a mouthful of eggs, toast, bacon, hash browns, kippers, beans, fruit, juice, milk, and cereal.

"We just..." Draco Malfoy started. "Just never thought this day would come."

"We always thought he was unbeatable." Pansy Parkinson said in a high shrill voice.

"The headmaster says he's not, so he's not." Hermione Granger said after surfacing from the headmaster's ass.

Her nose seemed to be covered in shit.

The students suddenly noticed Ginny weasley strattling the corpse, and bouncing suggestively.

"G-g-g-g-g-g-g." Neville Longbottom tried to say.

"Shut the fuck up, you goddamned squib!" Professor Sprout screamed.

Neville went into a rage. He charged towards the woman, before slipping on some ketchup from Ron's mouth and slamming his head into the Gryffindor table.

"That's right, bitch." Sprout said. "Sit the fuck down."

"The headmaster killed Harry!" Luna Lovegood screamed.

"I killed Harry." Dumbledore said. "For the greater good."

"He stabbed him in the chest!"

"I used my wand." he said. "It was for the greater good."

"Look at the gaping knife wound!"

"Please take Ms. Lovegood away, she is bothering me." He snapped. "It is for the greater good."

"Yes, headmaster." Hagrid said.

"After you're done with that, stay outside and feed the unicorns." He said in a much gentler voice. "It is for the greater good."

"Yes, headmaster."

As Hagrid led a struggling Luna from the hall, he could be hurt muttering "great man Dumbledore, great man."

"As I was saying." Dumbledore said. "Potter's death was for the greater good."

"It all started when I told Peter to betray the Potters to Voldamort, for the greater good, of course."

"It was clearly for the greater good." Remus Lupen said. "Please don't fire me?"

"Then I put him with those abusive muggles." Dumbledore continued. "For the greater good."

"The right decision!" McGonagall said. "I'd even say it was for the greater good."

"I of course put hatred charms on the Dursleys, and bound Harry's magic so it could explode in bursts thus making them angrier for the greater good."

"Then he came to Hogwarts after 10 years of this."

"I set it up so the Weasley's would meet him at the platform and befriend him for the greater good."

"Honestly, did the fool really think I forgot the platform number after 7 children?" Molly Weasley said.

She wiped food from Ron's face, but gave it up as a lost cause after a while.

"The Sorcerer's stone was just a rock obviously, but I needed to test Harry for the greater good."

"I figured it out in 2.3135455123 minutes." Hermione said in a bossy no-it-all voice.

"Of course you did." Dumbledore said in a voice you'd use on a favorite dog. "Who's a good Hermione?"

"I am, I am!"

"That's right!"

"Anyway Hermione made it too easy so I didn't learn shit." Dumbledore said.

A tear trailed down Hermione's cheek.

"During second year, it was Hermione again who did all the damn work."

"I mean I left all the clues in the world, and it still took a peace of paper in her hand for him to figure out the monster in the chamber."

"I even had to get Fawkes to save his arse for the greater good."

"Third year I left mostly alone, until he had the chance to save Serious."

"I ordered Lupen not to drink his potion so that Wormtail could escape for the greater good."

"I still got fired." He said quietly.

"Do you want to get fired again?" Dumbledore asked.

"No sir, I'll be good."

"This year is when he went too far."

"The bastard wouldn't compete in the Try-wizard, so I had to take care of him, permanently."

"It was for the greater good." The school corissed.

"That's right." Dumbledore said with a smile. "The greater good."


End file.
